please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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