Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
