My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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