he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
