Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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