haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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