id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
