go do what you do best...puke behind churches
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
