She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
