he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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