ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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