I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
