You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
