Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
