I didn't shave. On purpose
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
