OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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