Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
