Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Randomize