Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
