well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
