you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
All I want is dick and wine.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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