I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
