My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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