you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
