dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
