i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
