apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
