You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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