spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
