just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
