I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
