He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
