come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
