i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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