he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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