youre lurking in front of me
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
