I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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