yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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