I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
