i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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