why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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