Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
