6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
