peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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