my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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