i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
