ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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