i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
These tits shall not be calmed
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