I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
