I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
