Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
